


The Longer Road

by slash4femme



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Kissing, M/M, Shower Sex, talk of Vulcan traditions, talk of bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-17 09:25:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1382374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slash4femme/pseuds/slash4femme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sex isn't everything, but it is nice</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Longer Road

**Author's Note:**

>  originally written in November 2009
> 
> written for [this prompt here](http://community.livejournal.com/st_xi_kink_meme/2654.html?thread=1758046#t1758046) at st_xi_kink_meme. Beta read by [](http://cardiac-logic.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://cardiac-logic.livejournal.com/) **cardiac_logic**  who is just wonderful.

I.

“You know what they say about why Spock and Uhura broke up?” Chapel leans across the table towards Rand.

“I have no idea.” Rand does look up from her PADD though, and McCoy hunches forward but doesn’t let them know he can hear them. He doesn’t need to hear this, he tells himself, he doesn’t need to listen to gossip, but he’s going to sit here and eat his sandwich and listen anyway.

“Because Spock refused to have sex with her. Something about it being illogical to have sex for anything but reproduction, and she’s understanding and all but a girl has needs.” Rand raises her eyebrows but her expression is as serious as ever.“Well.” Chapel leans back arms crossed over her chest. “He’s a good man, a good Commander, and very nice to look at, but still, it’s a shame.”

Rand only shakes her head and looks back at her PADD and McCoy scoots out of his chair, heading for the door keeping his head down.

 

II.

Spock is meditating when McCoy keys open the door to Spock’s quarters. McCoy moves across the common room as quietly as possible and sits on the couch watching Spock, counting breaths along with the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He sits quietly until finally Spock opens his eyes and looks at McCoy.

“Spock,” McCoy says softly, and Spock rises and comes to sit on the couch next to him. He holds out two fingers to the other man and McCoy traces them with his own before catching the hand between both of his and leaning forward to kiss Spock on the lips. Spock slowly opens his mouth to McCoy, and McCoy brings one hand up to tilt Spock’s face so they can deepen the kiss.

“Leonard,” Spock says softly when they break apart, then kisses him again, light and a little awkward. “Do you wish to eat here tonight or at the officer’s mess hall?”

“Here would be fine.” McCoy traces the lines of Spock’s face lightly and braids their fingers together again. He moves a little closer to Spock on the couch and Spock doesn’t move away. They haven’t been doing this very long and McCoy can’t help but feel insanely happy whenever Spock is around. He would never admit it out loud, but he loves these quiet moments when they’re alone together.

He thinks of what Chapel and Rand had been talking about in the mess hall earlier that day and reaches forward to stroke one hand across Spock’s face again. It worries him, not that their relationship or any relationship begins and ends with sex, but he feels like he needs to know what Spock’s comfortable with and what he’s not and why. If Spock’s uncomfortable with having sex, McCoy knows he’d never push it, but if Spock is holding out on something they’d both enjoy in the name of some insane Vulcan tradition, well that’s something else altogether.

“Spock,” McCoy says softy, catching Spock’s hands in his own, “we need to talk,” Spock looks up at him, “about us.” Spock goes completely still and McCoy sighs, rubbing soothing little circles against Spock’s wrists with his thumbs. “We kiss and we have dinner together, but he haven’t told anyone and he haven’t had sex yet,” he says gently, and Spock straightens up slightly.

“I would have no objection to making our relationship public,” Spock tells him, “However, Vulcan logic teaches that sex not for procreation is illogical, and since we cannot have children . . .”

“Spock,” McCoy interrupts him. “If you’re taking that line of reasoning, a relationship with another man is illogical.” McCoy takes a breath, and then asks because he has to, “Do you really want to do this, Spock?”

Spock stares at him and his hands twitch in McCoy’s as if Spock wants to pull them away, and McCoy tightens his grip just a little. Finally Spock’s eyes lower away from his and when Spock speaks his voice is very soft. “Yes, Leonard, I am sure.”

Suddenly Spock looks very tired, reminding McCoy suddenly of the fragile, emotionally damaged man Spock had been at the beginning of the five-year mission. McCoy pulls Spock forward a little, wrapping his arms around the other man. He kisses Spock’s ears, his hair, and the side of his face, and holds him close. “I want this too,” McCoy tells Spock, and Spock leans against his chest without complaining or trying to pull away. _I just wish you weren’t so stubbornly Vulcan about it though_ , McCoy thinks and sighs inwardly.

 

III.

Not for the first time in his life McCoy finds himself doing some serious research into Vulcan culture and traditions. Then again, the last time he’d had a whole sickbay full of Vulcans. Now at least he just has one really stubborn lover to worry about.

Vulcans evidently didn’t talk a lot about sex except in a strict medical sense. After slogging through multiple data banks of Vulcan medical journals, McCoy’s pretty sure he’s hit a dead end.

He considers calling the Ambassador, but he can’t think of a really good way to have a frank discussion of Vulcan sexual norms with the much older version of his lover. He also considers just trying to pry the information out of Spock, but that would be almost as bad. Vulcans bonded mentally with their mates, both because they were telepathic and because it was a necessity for both partners’ safety during pon farr. Pon farr itself had been a tabooed topic on Vulcan, but things were changing with the destruction of the home world. So Vulcans bonded, McCoy knew that, and bonded couples would probably have sex. McCoy turns back to his computer and starts looking up everything he can find about Vulcan bonding and bonded couples.

 

IV.

“Spock,” McCoy says softly, moving across the room and settling down on the couch next to where Spock is reading from a PADD. “We need to talk.” Spock looks up at him, and then sets the PADD aside, and McCoy takes a breath. “I’ve been doing some research.” He twists his fingers together and looks down at them for a minute, trying to think of how to have this conversation without making Spock feel like he’s calling the relationship off, without making Spock call the relationship off. “Most Vulcan couples don’t have sex until they’re bonded.” He looks up at Spock, “But after they are joined by a marriage bond they have sex whenever they feel like, same as any other couple. Only very strict Vulcans, who still practice certain very old methods of control, abstain except for procreation and most abstain all together.” _And choose to die in horrible agony and madness during pon farr_ , McCoy thinks but doesn’t say it; it was one of the more horrifying things he’d learned during his research. Spock drops his eyes away from McCoy, his jaw setting in an even straighter line than usual, his hands clasping together in his lap. 

“Because I am half human,” Spock starts, voice flat and emotionless in a way McCoy hasn’t heard in a long time, “I have found I have had to hold myself to a higher standard of discipline and control. What may be acceptable for full blood Vulcans is seen as Human weakness in myself.” He unclasps his hands and lays them flat against his knees. “After my loss of control during the battle of Vulcan and my attack on the Captain, I have considered the place of stricter philosophies in my life.” He clasps his hands together again. “I will admit that I have considered Kolinahr, however my relationship with you . . .”

“Messed everything up.” McCoy reaches out for Spock’s hand, trying not to think about Spock purging himself of all traces of emotion, and Spock makes a little negating motion with his head but allows McCoy to take his hand. “Spock?” McCoy asks quietly, “Do you want to have sex with me?” He watches the other man carefully, but Spock gives nothing away. “Aside from your stricter philosophies or what people might think or what you’re afraid of. Do you actually want to have sex with me, at any point?” He looks down at their hands clasped together and then back up at Spock, “It’s ok if you say no,” he says softly, “I’d understand.”

Spock takes a breath and looks down at their clasped hands as well. They sit in silence for several long moments and McCoy begins to think Spock’s just not going to answer that question. Spock’s hand tightens around McCoy’s and McCoy looks up to meet Spock’s eyes and sees that Spock is struggling with something. His eyes are dark, emotional, intense and McCoy thinks not for the first time that they might be making a mistake with this relationship, that they are both going to end up being very deeply hurt by this.

“Yes,” Spock says very softly finally. “If there were not other things to consider, I would be gratified to take you as my mate in all that it entails.”

McCoy wants to shake him then and tell him there is nothing wrong with him, that he doesn’t have to deny them both this, that he’s being a stupid, stubborn _idiot_. He doesn’t do any of these things though; this needs to be done on Spock’s terms, not his, and what he thinks of Vulcan’s philosophy won’t help the situation any. Instead he squeezes Spock’s hand lightly and thinks hard.“But seeing how things are what they are, have you ever actually slept with anyone, Spock?” 

“No.” Spock stares straight ahead and McCoy feels vaguely amused that of the two questions, Spock finds this one less embarrassing than actually admitting he wants to have sex at all.

“Ok.” McCoy leans forward and kisses Spock briefly on the lips, not even caring that Spock doesn’t respond. “Spock, if you want to have sex with me and I want to have sex with you, I really, really want you to think about what’s stopping us, really. And it’s ok.” He pulls him close so that their foreheads touch and rubs small circles against Spock’s still captured hand. “We can take this as slow as you need to. I’ll never push you into something you don’t want, ok?” Spock nods, their faces so close that McCoy feels it, rather than see the motion. “Good,” McCoy kisses him again and this time Spock responds a little, “let’s go get something to eat.”

 

V.

McCoy isn’t sure what to do next. He doesn’t want to push Spock, even if this is something they both want, even if he thinks Spock’s reasoning is flimsy at best; it’s still Spock’s decision. He likes what they have together too; it’s not like he’d call it off just because they’re not having sex. Like Chapel had said, Spock is a good man, a good Commander, brilliant and beautiful. He’s thoughtful when they’re together, gentle and affectionate in his own way. He likes to cuddle, which took McCoy completely by surprise at first, he likes to kiss in both the Human and Vulcan ways. They have interesting conversations and friendly arguments. They eat dinner together, and sometimes just sit enjoying each other’s company. He’s happy, really truly happy with Spock, and he thinks Spock might be as close to happy as Spock gets. So maybe he should just let it go and say why mess with a good thing? Lord only knew good things didn’t happen to him often enough he could just throw them away over something like this.

They are sitting together on Spock’s couch reading separate journal articles. It’s after dinner, and the day’s been long, if not terribly eventful, and they’re both being quiet, just comfortable in each other’s company. McCoy shifts a little on the couch, scrolling down to the next page of what is actually a really interesting article on surgical technique and Spock reaches out without looking up from his own article and takes McCoy’s free hand in his own. He just holds it as he continues to read, his hand so much hotter than McCoy’s; McCoy looks over at their clasped hands and makes a decision. He likes a good fuck as much as the next guy, but he thinks he might be falling in love with Spock and he’s willing to try this without sex for as long as they can make it work. Maybe he’s being naïve, but he’s willing to give it a shot.

 

VI.

It’s been a long day, a long hard day where nothing went right. Spock and Kirk seemed determined to get themselves killed. His nursing staff, although the best in most cases, seemed to have forgotten every bit of training they’d ever had right when he needed them most. They’d lost an Ensign despite the hours he’d worked on her in surgery, and she’d been too young, on her first away mission and he’d wanted so much to save her. Spock had left word with Chapel saying he wanted to talk to McCoy about something to do with logical reasoning but McCoy hadn’t really felt like he could face that right then and had opted to hide in his office catching up on paperwork, which no matter how much he did he still felt woefully behind on.

When he gets to his quarters that night Spock’s not there, and he thinks about going to Spock’s quarters and seeing him because it’s been one of those days and he really just needs a little comfort, but he decides to take a shower first. He peels off his uniform and turns the shower onto the water setting and turns it as hot as he can stand and gets in. He stands under the spray, eyes closed. When he’d decided to be a doctor he’d known there would be days like this, and he’s had days like this before, all too often actually, but it never makes it any easier.

The bathroom door hisses open and McCoy spins in the little shower stall and stares out at the opaque shower door before coming to his senses and keying it to clear.Spock is standing on the other side of the now clear shower door and McCoy blinks several times at him. Spock watches him completely expressionlessly for a few minutes, just long enough for McCoy to start feeling embarrassed about being naked in front of the other man. Then Spock pulls off his shirt. McCoy gapes at him as Spock also pulls off his undershirt and McCoy is so taken aback by this that it takes him a few minutes to realize that Spock’s stripping, and by that point Spock’s naked too and folding his clothes neatly next to the sink. Then the shower door hisses open and Spock steps in.

“Spock.” It’s not the most intelligent thing to say, but McCoy’s fighting a mixture of shock and exhaustion, so he’s pretty impressed he says anything at all. He swallows and tries to come up with something else to say, like maybe asking Spock what the hell he’s doing, but Spock is quiet, staring at him intensely, completely naked, so close and so very beautiful. McCoy had known, he’d known that Spock naked, when he wasn’t breaking doctor/patient trust by looking, would be incredibly beautiful. Spock is pale and slim in all the right places, yet still impressively muscled with dark hair across his chest and down his belly, and McCoy wants very badly to reach out and touch him but he also wants to know what the fuck they’re doing.

He looks up at Spock and finally summons the wits to ask, “Spock, what are we doing?”

He doesn’t mean it to sound as tired as he is, but he is very tired tonight, and he just can’t play games. Spock reaches out, then takes McCoy’s hand in his own, caresses it with his own fingers for a moment before pulling McCoy close and kissing him. McCoy returns the kiss, putting his hands carefully on Spock’s waist, hot, wet skin under his fingers. Spock kisses his cheeks and his jaw, and down to his neck. McCoy is hard, he doesn’t know how he could not be aroused given the circumstances. It is Spock, though, who rocks his hips forward first; it’s Spock who presses his erection against McCoy’s hip as he licks across McCoy’s throat. McCoy doesn’t know what’s changed, what made Spock go from no sex to this, but he doesn’t really care. He pushes back against Spock with a groan and Spock’s eyes are wide, hair plastered to his face, flushed green down his throat and chest and McCoy can’t stop touching him. He rubs his hands across Spock’s chest, down his sides, stopping where he can feel Spock’s heart beat, until continuing on down his belly. Spock clutches at him, presses himself against McCoy like he can’t get close enough. He’s completely quiet except for his ragged breathing. McCoy kisses across Spock’s face, licks up one long, delicate ear, and Spock thrusts his hips against McCoy, presses his sloppy open-mouthed kisses against McCoy’s shoulder. Spock’s long, strong fingers map out McCoy’s own chest, run across his shoulders, down his sides, pressing flat against his stomach.

“What do you want?” McCoy finally asks, lips pressed against the side of Spock’s jaw, and Spock’s eyelashes flutter shut.

“You,” Spock says softly, completely serious, and McCoy kisses him hard, then sinks to his knees. Spock looks down at him, eyes dark and wide, and McCoy kisses one of Spock’s thighs.

“Don’t be ashamed of this,” he begs Spock’s softly, cheek pressed against Spock’s hip, and Spock’s fingers come down to gently touch his face.

McCoy knows what he wants then, but he doesn’t take Spock into his mouth right away. He nuzzles at him first, presses his face against Spock’s thigh, against the dark hair at the base of Spock’s dick. He kisses and then licks at Spock’s balls, listening to Spock’s breath become shallow and sharp little gasps before finally licking at the head of Spock’s erection. He licks and then pulls away, licks and then pulls away until Spock’s hand tightens on his shoulder, twists briefly in his hair before cupping the back of his neck. McCoy smiles slightly to himself and then takes Spock all the way into his mouth. Spock sucks in air sharply and goes completely still, and McCoy watches him carefully and takes the other man’s cock a little deeper into his mouth. Spock’s grip on his shoulder is tight enough that McCoy knows there will be bruises; he draws back, pulling off of Spock and looks up at him.

“Everything alright?” Spock nods and strokes his fingers across McCoy’s face.

“Everything is fine, Leonard, please continue.”His voice is almost but not quite pleading, with more emotion there than McCoy has ever heard. McCoy can’t help but feel a little pleased that it’s because of him, because of pleasure he’s causing. He takes Spock back into his mouth. He flicks his tongue across the tip and licks down the shaft and then sucks hard. He wraps his lips around his teeth and presses gently, trying to remember every good thing he’s ever enjoyed while receiving a blowjob and everything his partner had appeared to enjoy when he’d given them. It had been a pretty long time on both counts, not that he seemed to be getting it wrong, judging by how Spock’s breath kept speeding up and then slowing down in ragged little pants that were almost as good as groans. McCoy reaches down and rolls Spock’s balls before rubbing one knuckle just behind them, and Spock clutches at the back of his neck instead of his shoulder. McCoy sucks hard and Spock’s coming silently above him, and he manage to swallow almost all of it before standing up and pulling Spock close again.

“Beautiful,” he presses Spock against his body, kisses is face, “Sweetheart.”

Spock looks wet, flushed and dazed, and McCoy tilts his face up and kisses him hard on the lips, rubbing his own almost painful erection against Spock’s hip. Spock’s hands press against his chest, rub at the muscles on his arms, across his pectorals. Spock’s long fingered hands slide down McCoy’s stomach and finally wrap around McCoy’s cock, and McCoy groans and thrusts forward without meaning to. Spock doesn’t move or do anything, seemingly unsure of what to do, and McCoy presses closer to the other man before bringing his own hand down and lacing it with Spock’s. He moves both of their hands along his own dick, firm and a little awkward. It’s good though, because he can feel the heat coming off of Spock’s palm, because he can smell the spicy, dark scent that is Spock, because he can rest is head against Spock’s shoulder under what’s still very hot water and feel Spock’s breath against his face. He speeds up their hands, thrusts into their joined fists and comes across Spock’s thighs and stomach, crying out against Spock’s shoulder.

For a long moment he’s not aware of anything but that he feels fucking amazing; slowly though, he becomes aware of Spock’s arm around him holding him up, and Spock’s fingers stroking through his hair.

“Was it worth it?” He pulls far enough away from Spock to see him and grins.

Spock raises both eyebrows, “Worth what, Leonard?”

“Giving up on your stricter Vulcan philosophies.”

Spock only raises one eyebrow this time, “Indeed.”

McCoy shuts the water off and gets out of the shower, wrapping a towel around himself before getting one for Spock. Spock wraps the towel loosely around his waist and McCoy does his best not to stare. McCoy hesitates at the door to the bathroom and then holds out his hand, “Stay the night?” Spock nods and takes it, allowing McCoy to lead him into the bedroom and pull him onto the bed. “Are you going to tell me what made you change your mind about not having sex?”

McCoy combs his fingers through Spock’s wet hair, then gives into temptation and peels the towel off of the other man.

“I realized that you had been right and that my own logic was faulty. I cannot be stricter about some things and overlook others. If I wish to adhere to the Vulcan philosophies that advocate abstinence I should not be in a relationship with you. If I wish to be in a relationship with you then I should do my proper duty as your mate.”

“You don’t have to.” McCoy puts two fingers underneath Spock’s chin and tilts his face up. “I don’t want you to have sex with me because you think that’s what I want; I want you to want it too.”

Spock reaches out and touches McCoy’s face gently. “I have up until now not made this decision, Leonard. I made it because I desired to have intercourse with you, because I desire you as my mate, because one day I would wish us to be bonded.”

McCoy sucks in a long breath at that, watching Spock’s face carefully. He feels a little bit of panic because bonding is a commitment that he’s not sure he wants to face, or at least he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to face it with anything less than utter terror. On the other hand, for Spock to say something like that to him makes him feels warm, and deeply touched.

“Darlin’ . . .” He kisses Spock, then pulls him close until they’re lying tangled together still damp and naked.

“Leonard?” He looks up at Spock and Spock’s eyes are very dark. “My decision not to engage in sexual intercourse was not the reason Nyota and I ended our relationship.”

“I know.” McCoy’s arms tighten a little around Spock. “I don’t listen to ship gossip, Spock.”

“Indeed.” Spock presses his face against McCoy’s chest.

_I love you_ , McCoy thinks, but he doesn’t say it out loud, he can’t say it out loud. He only closes his eyes and presses his face against Spock’s forehead and hopes Spock will be willing to take that part slow.


End file.
